I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
