I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
