Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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