i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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