How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
