so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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