"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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