P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
