his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
