I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
