Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
