Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
