Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
