Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
