with your own penis?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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