around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
