wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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