It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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