I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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