My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
