the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
