I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
