she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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