Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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