He kissed a someone with a penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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