My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
