If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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