he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize