She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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