In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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