I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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