Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
