TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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