It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
420 ftw
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize