I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
