No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize