haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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