Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
