I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
