There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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