my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
