Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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