Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
