I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
