This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
