I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
