went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
