Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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