I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
