Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
