'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
