We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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