She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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