im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
