It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
