I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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