I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
