the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
