I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
