She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
