I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it because I queefed?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize