She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
