I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
