Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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