It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
