it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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